By Elaine M. Romero, LMFT, Owner & Clinical Director of Safe Harbor Counseling Center
You may believe you know everything about your partner or spouse. But we all grow and change over the years. Research from the Gottman Institute shows that thriving couples stay curious about each other over time, and that curiosity is one of the simplest ways to keep a marriage strong.
Use the questions below to keep that curiosity alive. They make a great date night conversation starter, and they work just as well on a quiet evening at home.
How to play
Pick two questions at a time.
First, try to guess how your partner would answer. Let them correct you if needed.
Then switch, and see if your partner knows your answer.
Keep it fun and playful. This is about connection, not a test.
Some questions are light and silly. Others go deeper. If a question touches an old hurt, slow down, listen, and be gentle with each other.
Feelings and inner world
What is my proudest moment?
What makes me feel the most alive?
What makes me feel anxious?
When did I last cry?
What do I feel insecure about in my life?
What do I feel confident about in my life?
When do I need alone time?
What makes me cry?
When did I feel abandoned in life?
What makes me furious?
When do I feel most safe?
Who makes me feel insecure?
What makes me feel isolated?
What most embarrasses me?
What calms me down?
How do I feel successful in life?
When do I feel creative?
What was an "aha" moment in my life?
When do I feel at my best?
When do I feel strong?
When do I feel weak?
When do I feel I look my best?
When do I feel responsible?
Who am I jealous of?
When do I feel most comfortable?
What pushes me to be my best?
Growing up and family
Name my best friends growing up.
Who do I feel supports me the most?
What were my parents' strengths?
Who is my favorite relative?
What do I enjoy about my siblings?
Who really hurt me in high school?
What was the most painful moment of my childhood?
How do I feel my parents see me as an adult?
Name my childhood pets.
When was the first time I felt like an adult?
What was the best gift I received as a child?
What message did my parents give me about marriage?
What sport or activity did I excel at?
How did my parents fail me?
What was one of my most joyous moments?
Faith
When do I feel close to God?
When do I feel distant from God?
How do I feel about my spiritual relationship with God?
How does God amaze me?
When do I feel the Holy Spirit move my soul?
What question would I love to ask God?
Us, our marriage and our family
What turns me on sexually?
What really makes me feel like a woman/man?
When do I feel most appreciated by you?
Why did I fall in love with you?
What do I admire most in you?
What do I love best about marriage?
When do I feel hurt by you?
What do I find most attractive in you?
Why am I proud of our kids?
What is my philosophy on marriage?
Whose marriage do I admire?
What do I think is adorable about you?
Why do I believe in you?
What do I consider my biggest dream for us?
How do I like to flirt?
How do I like you to flirt with me?
When does parenting challenge me the most?
What do I feel are my strengths and weaknesses as a parent?
Why do I feel I am important to our family?
Work, dreams and the future
How do I feel respected at work?
How do I envision life in 20 years?
What is a secret ambition of mine?
What do I consider to be "quality of life"?
What are my goals for the next five years?
What is my dream vacation?
What am I excited about in the future?
Who do I look up to at work?
Why do I get irritated at work?
What is my dream for retirement?
What scares me most about the future?
What do I consider the dream career?
How do I feel about money?
When do I feel the need to stand up for others?
Just for fun
When do I like funny movies?
When do I like serious conversations?
What is my favorite rainy day activity?
Who inspires me?
Which friend do I feel most at ease with?
What is my favorite activity in sunny weather?
Where is my favorite place to be?
Name one of my rivals.
What are my favorite small gifts?
What do I like for breakfast?
What really makes me LOL?
What chore do I detest?
What is my favorite season?
What is my favorite type of party?
What is my favorite way to be active?
What do I consider the best way to spend the weekend?
Name my favorite dessert.
What holiday is meaningful to me?
What is my most valuable material possession?
What is my favorite way to be surprised?
Enjoy getting to know each other all over again!
Couples counseling in Temecula and online
If you and your spouse feel stuck in the same conflict, or you simply want a stronger marriage, couples counseling can help. At Safe Harbor Counseling Center, Elaine M. Romero, LMFT, and our Christian staff draw on the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to help couples communicate, heal and reconnect. We offer marriage counseling in person in Old Town Temecula and online anywhere in California.
Questions? Call 951-252-8411. You can also learn more about our counseling services or listen to Elaine and Abe on the Marriage is a Joke podcast.